Belly and soul full of Deception and Poison-- Now I can think straight.
It’s ironic how my conviction to eat better/ smarter/ more healthfully is so strong a few moments after that last bite of a rich, sugary dessert. Now that my mind has been sufficiently satiated, it can return to its goal of denying that very same satisfaction. Time and time again I prove to myself how much easier it is to want to do better after I’ve done bad.
But why is that?
What is wrong with me? Or am I so perfectly right, so exactly as I should be,
so precisely the result of the circumstances of this life that the question is
not even warranted?
How do I even say no
to added sugar, high fructose corn syrup, simple carbs, processed foods, when
they are all around me everywhere I look? In every advertisement, on every
menu. Taunting me. Breaking down my resolve bit my bit until I eventually cave
in. My own personal black cloud. Once my belly is full, a few hours later when
I crash from my high, when I finally feel awful after the hit of my favorite
drug fades away, I am remorseful, guilt-ridden, and depressed. Why can’t I be
stronger? Why can’t I do or not do to be in accordance with my goals? Am I that
weak??
I am a victim of my
surroundings and I victim-shame to a familiar low: self-hate.
True happiness is a
state of mind– this I firmly believe. The kind of happiness that one gets from
a sugary dessert, after purchasing an item, or after doing whatever goes
against the goals you have set for yourself, is the kind of happiness that
flitters away shortly after it is there. This happiness doesn’t last. Pretty
soon you need another dessert. You want to buy another item. Pretty soon you’ve
gorged. You physically feel bad. You emotionally feel bad. You financially feel
bad. That happiness is quickly replaced by feelings of guilt. And to cope with
that guilt, you dive deeper into the very thing that makes you feel guilty,
another hit of the drug to numb the pain.
If all of this
happens to me after just eating a piece of cake, I can’t even begin to imagine
what it must be like for the strangers and patients I have come across with
street drug and alcohol addictions. Sugar is a drug— there is scientific
evidence of the way that brain centers light up after consuming it. Those same
centers light up after shopping. That’s how some people are actual
“shop-aholics” with real financial hardship. Drugs like heroine and
methamphetamine light the brain centers like Times Square on New Years. I
imagine that mind being so bright, it can’t even see, it’s paralyzed.
I am fortunate
enough to not, at this time of my life, be addicted to street drugs or
alcohol– the types of addictions that usually ruin lives. I am so grateful.
But where is my compassion when I see a meth-addict in the emergency department
for the 3rd time today, and I can’t even quit sugar??
Socially acceptable addictions are not okay to me. If it’s something that I don’t want to do, then I want the power to say no. If it’s something that I want to do, then I want the power to say yes. Where is that power? Where do I find it? Where is it hidden? Who do I have to pay for it? Why do I have to work for it? I work so hard for everything else. Why is it so hard to garner something that is already there inside me?
I’m chuckling as I write this. I’m in the middle of my one day off after four 12-hour shifts. I work so hard at my job, I put so much of myself into my work and my patients, no wonder I have little left for myself when I go home. I am a vulnerable soul. I think that is what makes me a good nurse. I truly care about you and helping you feel better, live better, be better. I have to figure out how to nurse myself. How to forgive myself. How to follow my own advise: don’t dwell on yesterday, live in the now, do better next time! Energy spent worrying or feeling guilty is wasted energy. If you are worrying, you are living in the future. If you are feeling guilty, you are living in the past. The only actual life you have is in the now. I don’t care how hippy or fru-fru that sounds.
I just finished a small cup of ice cream after binging on a large slice of cake after 6 days of eating healthy and sugar-free. I can’t undo what I did. But I can say out loud that I don’t feel good. I feel bloated and heavy. I want to feel light and energized. And I know which foods to eat to feel that way and which ones not to. Someone else reading this post might not agree with me. They may say, YOLO, eat what you want when you want, who cares? But I care. And I know that my 70 year-old self will, too, when I am suffering from the many chronic health issues that plague our communities. It is no accident that we all develop diabetes, hypertension, high cholesterol, arthritis, cancer, as if it is the natural course of aging– though this “natural course” is seemingly non-existent in certain communities outside of Western culture and is relatively undocumented until recent times. We feed what ails us. This cycle of self-abuse must come to an end.
I started chuckling as I wrote this– I’m in the middle of my one days off after four 12-hour shifts. I work so hard at my job, I put so much of myself into my work and my patients, no wonder I have little left for myself when I go home. I am a vulnerable soul. I think that is what makes me a good nurse. I truly care about you and helping you feel better, live better, be better. I have to figure out how to nurse myself. How to forgive myself. How to follow my own advise– don’t dwell on yesterday, live in the now, do better next time. Energy spent worrying or feeling guilty is wasted energy. If you are worrying, you are living in the future. If you are feeling guilty, you are living in the past. The only actual life you have is in the now. I don’t care how hippy or fru-fru that sounds. I just finished a small cup of ice cream after binging on a large slice of cake after 6 days of eating healthy and sugar-free. I can’t undo what I did. But I can say out loud that I don’t feel good. I feel bloated and heavy. I want to feel light and energized. And I know which foods to eat to feel that way and which ones not to. Someone else reading this post might not agree with me. They may say, YOLO, eat what you want when you want, who cares? But I care. And I know my 70 year-old self will, too, when I am suffering from the many chronic health issues that plague our communities. It is no accident that we all develop diabetes, hypertension, high cholesterol, arthritis, cancer, as if it is the natural course of aging– though this “natural course” is seemingly non-existent in certain communities outside of Western culture and relatively undocumented until recent times. We feed what ails us. This cycle of self-abuse must come to an end.
Whatever it is that
you care about– what ever habits you want to start or want to break, you must
start them or break them. The time is now. The only one who can do it is you.
Oh, how strong my
resolve now that I’m feeling shitty!
Disclaimer: I am writing this post for anyone looking for
details on the Valdez Goat Trail hike and find themselves coming up short.
Nothing written here is official or approved. Just what I’ve pieced together
from the hodge-podge of information I found from sources online, local
brochures, the AllTrails app, and Lonely Planet.
Valdez Goat Trail is
also sometimes referred to as Bridal Falls Trail, Wagon Trail, or simply Goat
Trail and branches off from the Keystone Canyon Pack Trail which starts at mile
marker 12 along the Richardson Highway (AK-4) and crosses Horsetail Falls Creek
via foot bridge before eventually meeting up with and turning into the Valdez
Goat Trail at mile marker 13.5. The trailhead is located just before Bridal
Falls on the Left if traveling North from Valdez on Richardson Highway (AK-4)
or just after Bridal Falls on the Right if traveling South toward Valdez. If
you have approached Horse Tail Falls while traveling South, you have gone too
far and if you have approached Horse Tail Falls while traveling North go just a
bit further and park in the next vehicle pull-off on the Left. The trail head
is closer to Bridal Falls than Horse Tail Falls but can be reached easily from
either vehicle pull-off. Make sure to take pictures and admire both falls–
they have earned their popularity!
The trailhead for
the Goat Trail is marked by a placard located in the ditch on the side of the
highway and is mostly covered by trees so it is not visible from the road. You
come upon it only after you start walking down toward the canyon wall. There are
a few placards and signs early on explaining the history of Bridal Falls and
showing Pack Trail Left and Goat Trail Right. My friends and I continued Right.
It was a wonderful choice! At roughly 800ft elevation over roughly 2.3miles, the trail is well maintained, easy to follow, and easy to moderate in difficulty. There are a few narrow sections that have a steep drop to one side but all areas of the trail are easily traversed and are at least one person’s width. Along the way are two lookouts, one with a view of the unfinished railroad on the opposite side of the street– but be cautious, this drop would be unforgiving! The trail ends as you open up to the middle of one of the many waterfalls visible from the road. I don’t advise attempting to cross the waterfall as it is quite wide and the current is very strong. But scrambling up a ways is possible for even better landscape views and selfies.
Leaving plenty of time for selfies and safe travels with a small dog, this trail takes roughly 2-3hrs roundtrip. If eager to get ‘er done, one could make it out and back in probably 1.5-2hrs. My friends and I were pleasantly surprised by the jungle feel of this hike, the vistas, and the waterfall at the end. Bring lots of bug spray and be prepared for a muddy patch here and there. High on my list of favorite hikes in Alaska so far! Check out my prior blog for details on the others I’ve done. Hope this helps and ENJOY! 🙂
The Route: Anchorage-Mantanuska Glacier-Valdez-Anchorage via Glenn Highway (route 1) to Richardson Highway (route 4).
Days: 3
The trip to Valdez
was enhanced by the presence of a friend from home joining me and my co-worker.
The goal: to create a “real” Alaskan adventure, seeing and doing as
much as we could on a short amount of time. Don’t worry: we succeeded!
First stop: Glacier View to hike on Mantanuska Glacier. Though I had seen quite a few since my arrival here in May, many visible from just the highway, walking on one was a new dynamic. Though access to this glacier is 24hrs and $30/person entrance fee if venturing on your own, we chose to pay for a guide with Mantanuska Glacier Adventures so that we could pay the entrance fee, rent micro spikes, and learn about glaciers from a guide all in one. An added bonus is that tour guides know the good places to go, where not to step, and get quote unquote exclusive access to certain areas as the trail marked for solo hikers is marked specifically to try to maintain safety and so doesn’t venture to every corner. Needless to say, we got our money’s worth. Our guide, Michelle, was awesome– knowledgeable, funny, and friendly. She made us feel like rock stars while we posed for photo ops and, due to our ability, she took us farther/deeper into the glacier than she does most groups. Starting out it seemed like we were walking along a dirt path to get the the glacier. We were pleasantly surprised to learn that we were walking on a layer of ice miles deep with rocks and sediment from high up in the mountains dusted across the glacier– there only because the movement of the glacier took it along for the ride. Some areas you can even scrape your boot across the surface and see the sheet of ice below. The micro spikes were a must as we hiked. I couldn’t imagine doing it without. We traversed the mud and rocks and eventually made our way into the blue ice where we saw admired mulans (vertical well-like shafts where water enters from the surface and acts as a drainage system), threw rocks down deep crevasses, and drank from a glacial waterfall. We ended with a short wade out to mermaid rock for one last photo shoot.
View from the Road
Crevasse
Walking on a sheet of blue ice!
Mermaid Rock
The drive to Valdez was equally impressionable. The mountains of Wrangell- St. Elias National Park is in the background for the majority of the first part of the drive. The road twists and turns and eventually narrows a bit. We eventually came across Worthington Glacier falling seemingly onto the highway ahead of us. A few turns later we emerged through Thompson Pass into a wide clearing of mountains and a ridge jutting out to the right. Purposefully, there is a pull-off immediately after emerging. It is well worth the stop– this clearing was both majestic and picturesque.
Somewhere in the Mat-Su area
Worthington Glacier
Thompson Pass
Thompson Pass
The next milestone along the drive was Keystone Canyon. What a wonder!! Waterfalls galore with one powering down right beside the road, it’s mist able to reach out (Bridal Veil Falls). I am a huge fan of waterfalls, so I was in heaven. In the same location is the historic site where they started to build a railroad in 1906 that ended unsuccessfully due to a gunfight.
Finally, we made it to Valdez, and, after a quick dinner at Fat Mermaid we called it a night to prep for the next day: wildlife glacier cruise. With few options as far as tours go, we went with Stan Stephens’ Columbia Glacier tour ($109+taxes/person). A cup of Kaladi Brothers joe in hand from a cute cafe called Latte Dah (I see what you did there!), we were ready to go. Starting out warm but on the chilly side, we saw otters almost immediately. Next came porpoises playfully skipping along our boat and sea lions relaxing along the coast. Then we caught a bald eagle perched on top of an iceberg. As we neared the massive Columbia Glacier, the air felt frozen and the water filled quickly with icebergs that eventually turned into an ice barrier through which the ferry couldn’t pass. We were so grateful that we brought layers! Temperature aside, the view was magnificent. Columbia Glacier is the second largest glacier in North America. NBD!
Sealions sunbathing
Porpoise!
A Whale’s Tail
Otters
Bald Eagle
Columbia glacier
Columbia Glacier up-close
The evening was spent in town getting dinner at Nat Shack, ice cream at Northern Treats, and drinks at The Boardroom where we were pleasantly surprised by the shenanigans of a live rock band at 10pm. Before that we visited the Maxine and Jesse Whitney Museum to learn about and admire the collection of native art and artifacts. Though the town is small and follows suit with the majority of other towns in Alaska, it was pleasant enough and we enjoyed ourselves plenty.
The drive back to Anchorage was equally eventful. We stopped at the Solomon Gulch Hatchery and learned about salmon migration and the incubation of their eggs. Next we hiked Valdez Goat Trail, also known as Bridal Falls Trail, which branches from the Pack or Wagon Trail. An easy 4mi roundtrip trek along the Richardson Highway, this trail features 2 outlooks and a massive waterfall at the end and is a must see for anyone looking for a shorter hike near town. Next we stopped again at the portion of Thompson Pass that overlooks the valley from a rocky vantage point. We had to get the photos that we didn’t get on the way down!
Solomon Gultch Hatchery
Valdez Goat Trail
Waterfall at the end of the rainbow
Though held up
slightly by traffic, the rest of the ride to Anchorage was smooth and sunny. We
had such amazing luck on this adventure– even spotting 3 moose on the side of
the road. Truly, a must-do drive for anyone visiting Alaska.
Flattop— Anchorage. 3.3mi roundtrip. 1400ft elevation. 1hr to the top. 2hrs roundtrip. Rock scramble/climbing to summit– a true create-your-own-adventure-style hike. Can be windy a the top. Views of the city and the water. Many go further to summits two and three for added challenge.
Exit Glacier Trail-– Seward. Kenai Fjords National Park. 1.8mi roundtrip. 260ft elevation. 30min to the view. 1hr to the toe. 2hrs roundtrip. Has greatly receded over the years. Still a wonder to take in.
Bird Ridge— Girdwood. 4.6mi roundtrip. 3200ft elevation. 2-2.5hrs to the top. 4hrs roundtrip. Amazing views of the surrounding mountains and Turnagain Arm.
Thunderbird Falls— Chugiak. 1.8mi roundtrip. 1.5hrs roundtrip with time at the falls. Easy trail with 300ft elevation gain. Ends at the falls. Hidden feel though well-trafficked.
Winner Creek Trail & Handtram— Girdwood. 6.4mi roundtrip. 1200ft elevation gain. 2-2-2.5hrs roundtrip. Easy, wide, and well-maintained trail that features small waterfalls and beautiful green forest. Planks bridges cross smaller waters. Handtram in the middle for the river. Very fun and vibrant hike.
Handtram!
Some elevation gain
Mini waterfall!
Love the brightness of this green!
Mt. Baldy— Eagle River. 2mi roundtrip. 1500ft elevation. 45min to the top. 1.5hrs roundtrip. Though this trail can technically be a loop making it 4.6mi roundtrip, a stop at the peak is more than enough. Straight up. Tough. Beautiful views of Eagle River Valley and the water.
Skilak Lookout Trail— Cooper Landing. 4 1mi roundtrip. 800ft elevation. 45min to the top. 2hrs roundtrip. Magical experience. Unique blue color of the lake. Steep.
Slaughter Gulch— Cooper Landing. 3.9mi roundtrip. 2600ft elevation. 2hrs to the top. 3hrs roundtrip. Every bit a slaughter! Steep uphill. False summits. View of the lakes including Skilak Lake way off in the distance to the right.
Portage Pass Trail— Whittier. 5.4mi roundtrip. 1600ft elevation. 2hrs roundtrip not including time relaxing at the lake. Starts out very steep until reaching to actual Portage Pass. Remaining is relatively flat with some inclines here and there and then a steeper decline for a few minutes to the actual lake. Small lake on the right roughly half way through the pass. Trail ends right at the lake with Portage Glacier across from it. Great place for a picnic. No obvious way to hike up to or onto the glacier.
Twin Peaks w/ Lake Eklutna Overlook-– North of Anchorage. 4.8mi roundtrip. Roughly 1hr to the first Lake Eklutna overlook. Roughly 40min to Twin Peaks overlook. Roughly 2hrs 15min to the peak and second Lake Eklutna overlook. Beautiful views the entire way. Steep but manageable. Trail well-maintained. Well worth the effort– continue endlessly along the ridge line or just bask in the glory of the lake below!
The Bodenburg Butte— Palmer. 0.9mi roundtrip. 670ft elevation. 40min to the top. 1.5hrs round trip. Steep, dusty trail with choose-your-own-adventure to the top of you want to stick to the trail it climb a few rocks. Glacier, farm land, and river all in view.
West Butte— Palmer. 2.3mi roundtrip. 700ft elevation. 30min to the top. 1hr round trip. Same ending as above. Easier trail, though, several stairs to the top for the second half.
Lazy Mountain-– Palmer. 4mi roundtrip. 3000ft elevation. 1hr 40min to the top. 3hrs 20min roundtrip if you take the Loose Moose trail down. Take roughly 30min off if you just throw yourself back down Lazy Mountain. At start of trail, signs point Lazy left and Moose right. The two trails eventually meet up to scale the ridge. Extremely steep on Lazy. Switchbacks on Moose. Gorgeous views the entire way either trail. Added bonus of wildflowers on Moose.
Valdez Goat Trail— Just north of Valdez. 4.3mi roundtrip. 800ft elevation. 2-3hrs roundtrip. Easy-moderate difficulty with some narrow spots along the way with steep drops offs the whole way. Muddy patches. Buggy. Easily traversed and family/pet friendly. Amazing outlooks. Ends at a wide and powerful waterfall. Very beautiful, jungle-like trail with high payoffs. Highly recommend. Trailhead starts off of the Richardson Highway between the two vehicle pulls-off between Bridal Veil Falls and Horsetail Falls closer to Bridal Veil Falls. AllTrails app is accurate.
Dumpling Overlook— Brooks Campground; Katmai NP. 4mi roundtrip. Roughly 45-50min to the Outlook if being very bear aware and turning corners slowly and cautiously. 30min if walking a normal pace. To the summit is 4mi one-way so about 8mi roundtrip and roughly 5-6hr roundtrip if being cautious and bear aware. Well worn path but not greatly maintained so lots of over growth. Wear long sleeves and pants to avoid accidental exposures to harmful plants. Beautiful view of the lakes, mountains, and flowers at outlook– solid choice if pressed for time or traveling solo and don’t want to push your not-yet-eaten-by-a-bear luck.
Harding Icefield – Seward; Kenai Fjords NP. 9.7mi roundtrip. 4hrs roundtrip. 3800 ft elevation gain. Moderate hike. First half is below treeline with enough flies to drive you mad. At roughly 1hr in, you come to the first overlook or clearing and many people stop here to picnic and enjoy the view. Continue on another 45min or so to reach the cabin. Another 30min past the cabin and down the ridge will take you onto the ice of the glacier. Beautiful view of the glacier and the water the entire way. 360 panoramic views once above treeline. Look out for mountain goats!
Exit Glacier’s silt below
Traversing the snow
Hikers on the ice of Exit Glacier!
McKinley Bar Trail— Wonder Lake; Denali NP. 4.3mi roundtrip. Roughly 2hr roundtrip. 1000ft elevation gain. An easy and beautiful trail that traverses rocks, crosses streams, and travels through spruce forest ending at the river. Mosquito infested during the later summer days.
Spruce forest
The river
Mt. Healy Overlook— Denali NP. 4.4mi roundtrip. 2.5hr roundtrip w/ roughly 1hr and 15min to the top. 1600ft elevation gain. Views of Denali on a clear day. Rewarding hike. Not too difficult. Ridgeline continues endlessly.
Caribou Creek Trail— Nabesna; Wrangell-St. Elias NP. 7mi roundtrip. 3hrs roundtrip. Requires two wide and possibly forceful but not deep stream crossings that are manageable w/ appropriate footware and a walking stick or trekking pole. If you bushwack to the right of the trail where it meets the first water-crossing and remain along the water’s edge, someone placed a few logs over which one can scramble. Trail starts as a very wide dirt/stone path where construction is being done– minimal elevation gain. Once past the first water-crossing, a steady and moderate incline begins. Beautiful views of the water and valley opens up behind you as you climb. Muddy trail. Ends at the cabin just on the other side of the 2nd water crossing. A very serene hike. Accessible from Nabesna Road prior to any potential vehicle water crossings.
Bonanza Mine Trail-– Kennicott; Wrangell-St. Elias NP. 8.3mi roundtrip. 3.5hrs roundtrip; 2.5hrs to the summit. 3900ft elevation gain. One hell of a hike! Trail starts as a moderately steep town road with homes on both sides along the way. Trail opens up to a smaller summit on the right and the first set of mine ruins on the right (what I assume is remains of the tram system). A perfect spot for a picnic. Just past this, the trail becomes a footpath only– get ready to work! Very steep. Waterfall in the center of the valley. Trail curves left past the waterfall to the mine ruins. Scramble up past the ruins (a true scramble on small rocks, some two steps forward and one step sliding back required) until you are on the ridgeline. Enjoy amazing views of the Mt. Blackburn, the glaciers, the town, the water, and the mountain range. A fabulous hike but definitely difficult for the 2nd half to the top.
Tanalian Falls— Port Alsworth; Lake Clark NP. Roughly 1 hr one way. Part of the roughly 7.5mi roundtrip maintained parks service trail. Moments of steep incline and uphill/downhill; generally a flat trail. Views of the Tanalian Mountain as you go. A breath-taking site to see. One of the most impactful waterfalls I have ever seen in my life. The force of it. The array of colors. The clarity of the water. The way the trail opens up to the falls and the river feels like you just stepped out of the jungle and into a fairytale. Stay at the lower falls or walk 3 more minutes up the trail and scramble onto the rocks at the upper falls– you won’t be disappointed!
Markers along the way for Tanalian Falls Trail vs. Mountain vs. Beaver Pond Trail
Lake Kontrashibuna via Tanalian Trail— Port Alsworth; Lake Clark NP. 1.5hrs one way. Completes the roughly 7.5mi roundtrip trail maintained by the parks service. Moments of steep incline and uphill/downhill; generally a flat trail. Roughly 30min past the Tanalian waterfall. Clear ending where trail opens up to the lake with firepit in the center but one can follow the brush trail around the majority of the lake. So peaceful!
Tanalian Mountain along the way
Tanalian Mountain— Port Alsworth; Lake Clark NP. 8.2mi roundtrip. 3800 ft elevation. 2hrs to the summit from the start of the Tanalian Mountain trailhead. About 3hrs to the summit from the Tanalian Trails marker at the very beginning at the airstrip in town. About 5hrs roundtrip from airstrip. Roughly 30min more along the ridgeline once past the pipe marker. Narrows quite a bit over rock near the summit so be careful and don’t attempt if the peak is in the cloud. Trail opens up the entire way for sweeping panoramic views of Port Alsworth, Lake Clark, the Tanalian Falls, and the surrounding mountains. View keeps getting better as you go up. Very overgrown on the switchbacks near where the trail becomes above treeline but very easy to follow. Trail overall very well maintained. Would do it again in a heartbeat. Would do it multiple times a year for the joy of the hike and the breathtaking views if I could!
A steep incline
Overgrown trail
Mountain goat in the cloud!
Tanalian Falls from up above!
The view from the pipeline
Crow Pass: Crystal Lake & Raven Glacier— Girdwood. 6.2mi roundtrip. 1900 elevation gain. 3hrs roundtrip with time spent on the at the lake and/or glacier. Trail splits once in the valley– to the left is more steep because it takes you too the waterfall at the mine tailing and then requires one to scramble up to where the trail converges again; keep to the R for a much more steady ascent. Trail steepens to the lake traveling along the waterfall on the left. Amazing views the entire time once above treeline/ in the valley. Historic trail due to the mines. They ask that you not go on the tailings. Cabin at the lake is booked by reservation only– so serene, peaceful, and beautiful as it is right on the lake. Glacier only a short walk past the cabin– maybe 20-30min. Trail continues on to the rest of Crow Pass.
Reed Lakes— Hatcher Pass near Palmer. 8.7mi roundtrip. 2250ft elevation gain. 4hr 20min roundtrip. Several areas of larger boulder scrambling. Can be very slippery. Very worth the danger! First section is a relatively flat, wide path. Trail features a small pond after the largest rock scramble, the Lower Reed Lake roughly 30min later with a waterfall just next to it, and the Upper Reed Lake roughly 30 more min at the end trail.
View of beginning valley
Boulder Scramble
Lower Reed Lakes
Waterfall!
Upper Reed Lake
Wolverine Peak— Anchorage. 8.3mi roundtrip. 3600ft elevation gain. 4-6hrs roundtrip depending on tolerance for incline and number of stops. Roughly 2-3hrs to the top. Better view than Flattop though similar terrain. Beautiful lakes in the valley on the other side of the peak. Flat overlook half way to the peak is a great place to stop or to enjoy lunch on the way.
Anchorage w/ snow capped mountains in the back!
Mountains for dayzz!
We climbed that… :/
Lakes seen from the peak!
April Bowl— Hatcher Pass near Palmer. 2.2mi roundtrip. 850ft elevation gain. 2hrs roundtrip. Starts immediately with incline and doesn’t stop until at the ridgeline. Offers miraculous views of the Denali Range. Trailhead is unmarked and located across the road from the Hatcher Pass stone monument and main overlook/ parking lot.
Bartlett Lake Trail— Roughly 7mi and 4hrs roundtrip. Follow Tlingit Trail from Visitor Park Services (VPS) about 0.6mi and cross the park road where trail picks back up as the Barlett Lake Trail on the left. Continue straight to go to the river on the Barlett River Trail or veer right to hike to the lake. DO NOT follow AllTrails version of Barlett Lake Trail as it starts you several miles away from the VPS and the lodge at the end of Park Road, which doesn’t make sense if you are camping or staying at that the lodge. Instead, follow the Barlett River AllTrails map and zoom in to confirm placement along the lake trail.
Bartlett Cove & Forest Loop Trail— 1.1mi roundtrip. 100ft elevation. Leisurely walk from Glacier Bay Lodge & Visitor Center that passes campground site and loops back to lodge. Features small ponds. Great representation of the temperate forest.
West Glacier Trail to West Glacier Spur Trail— 4hrs roundtrip just hiking plus roughly 1hr at the glacier exploring the ice caves. Take the West Glacier Trail to the West Glacier Spur Trail which is a split to the right shortly before it becomes the Mt. McGinnis Trail. Trail is slightly hidden– stay straight whereas Mt. McGinnis trail curves left as a switchback; look for pink and yellow ribbons throughout– lifesavers! For two amazing vistas, go 5-10min on the Mt. McGinnis trail and then double back. DO NOT take the first available split to the right called Ice Cave Trail. Unnecessarily difficult rock climb with nearly same reward and only slightly more front-on views of the glacier and Nugget Falls. AllTrails is not correct with total milage if trying to reach the glacier as trail on map ends at a viewpoint. Keep curving to the left if facing the glacier and go around the water to find where glacier meets rockface– this is where ice caves are. Very slippery and larger rocks cannot be depended upon for stability or balance. Be safe and have fun!
The Route:
Anchorage-Homer-Soldotna-CooperLanding-Whittier-Anchorage via Sterling Highway
and Seward Highway
Days: 5
For my first real Alaskan adventure, a fellow co-worker and I decided on a road trip South of Anchorage to Homer with various hikes and stops in mind as we made our way back North to Anchorage. Until this point, I had a handful of day-hikes and one overnight adventure to Seward under my belt.
Homer is a beautiful fishing and beach town filled with bald eagles and smiling faces. Easily the best part of our time in Homer was the ferry ride to Glacier Lake Trail. After hopping aboard one of the vessels of Mako’s Water Taxi ($80/person) after finding their office along the Spit and booking the day before, our driver casually turned to us and asked if we’d like to “make a quick stop along the way to see some puffins.” My eyes grew wide. Ummm, yeah! And that stop was to a place called Gull Island. There we saw not only puffins, but otters, sea lions, and a mama and her baby orcas as well. The tiny island is inhabited only by seagulls– about a thousand of them. It was such a sight to see so many swarming the towering rocks. And below, the other wildlife just sauntered around. It was like I had died and gone to heaven!
Mama & baby orca en route to Gull Island
Gull Island
Otter floating on his back
Puffins doing puffin things
I couldn’t imagine it getting any better than that. Until we finished the relatively short Glacier Lake Trail hike, that is. After traveling across Katchemak Bay just north of Halibut Cove and roughly a 2hr trek through woods that open out to flat glacial moraines (roughly 20min miles with minimal elevation gain), we could see the icy blue water at the bottom of the hill below and the magnificent Grewingk Glacier straight ahead. Once at the lake, we were greeted by little and big icebergs and even got to witness a few small calvings (when bits of the glacier break off seemingly out of nowhere, creating icebergs). Now I really had died and gone to heaven! And for the icing on the cake, after a short time relaxing and taking in the glamour of the lake, we trekked down Saddle Trail towards the pick up point where we were met by spectacular views of the bay and Halibut Cove the entire way down.
Ferry at drop-of point
Early on in the hike.
Halfway through the hike traversing glacial moraines.
Final Destination: Grewingk Glacier
Icebergs
Vista down Saddle Trail to pick-up point
The rest of our time in Homer and on the Spit was relaxing and pleasant. Shopping at Salmon Sisters and Salty Girls. Dining at Little Mermaid and Fresh Catch. Drinks at Salty Dawg. Coffee and breakfast at Two Sisters Bakery and Portside Coffee & Co. And a beautiful drive along Sterling Highway to boot with several opportunities to pull-off and admire the view. A nice moment worth mentioning was discovering the memorial toward the end of Homer Spit dedicated to those lost at sea. I’m a crier and my eyes couldn’t help but well up at the expressions of loss and love.
Memorial on Homer Spit
And so we made our way back North bit by bit. First we grabbed drinks in Soldotna at St. Elias Brewery near the Fred Meyers. At flights for a dollar and oven-roasted pizza, you couldn’t ask for much more. We then continued North towards Cooper’s Landing– a small town along the highway. On the way, we stopped for a hike accessible via the Skilak Lake Road called the Skilak Lookout Trail. This has to be one of the most magical hikes I’ve ever done. Though quite steep, there are views of the lake very early on and the water is a shade of turquoise I have never before seen. Not to mention that, as luck would have it, it sprinkled for a few minutes as we started to descend and that bit of rain produced not one, not two, but three rainbows! The two moose we saw as we were driving back to the main road were pretty cool, too.
Skilak Lake
One double and one single rainbow!
As for camping, we chose a spot along the Kenai River at Cooper Creek North campground ($18/ single tent). The rush of the river passing by that night by the fire and in the morning while brushing our teeth was spectacular. So beautiful and peaceful. We were centered and ready for what we knew would be a strenuous hike: Slaughter Gulch. I mean, what kind of name is that anyways?? The roughly 1.5hrs straight up past several false summits was challenging for the mind but so rewarding for the soul. The final destination overlooks Kenai Lake and Skilak Lake can be seen way off in the distance to the right. Another Alaskan beauty.
Kenai River next to our campsite
Campsite @ Cooper Creek North
The final push
Kenai Lake from Slaughter Gulch
Right Vista from Slaughter Gulch– note Skilak Lake way in the distance.
After that intense morning, we were ready to reach our final travel destination: Whittier. After a short drive and a long tunnel ($13 charged going in; free when driving toward Anchorage; timed on the half hour depending on which direction you’re traveling), we’d made it to the small, no-nonsense town. Though by no means extensive, Whittier offers pleasant camping, cute shops, and good coffee. The main, attraction, though, is the access to glaciers and wildlife both via ferry and on foot. The most popular hike is Portage Pass Trail which goes right up to the lake with the glacier across it. The road to the trailhead is immediately to the right after emerging from the tunnel on the Whittier side. The end location is a perfect spot for a picnic as it isn’t too strenuous of a hike and the area feels like a remote fairytale even when a thousand children and their parents appear. Roughly 2.5hrs roundtrip not including relaxing at the lake.
A reverse view from early on in the Portage Pass trail during the steep section.
The top of the initially steep climb.
Portage Glacier from across the lake @ the end of the trail.
To get a taste of glaciers up close and personal, we chose to go with the 3.5hr Glacier Quest Cruise with Phillips Cruises ($109+taxes per person). The coolest part was getting lucky and seeing some larger calvings, not to mention the several breathtaking waterfalls and lot of sea lions.
Otters
Sea lions soaking up the sun.
Just as many waterfalls as glaciers on this tour!
The boat backing up to a massive waterfall.
A glacier and a waterfall and a sound. All of the water.
Me with a glacier!
The drive back to Anchorage held the air of contentment. Only a few hours and we were back. 5 days. 4 towns. 4 hikes. 3 orcas. 2 glaciers. 2 ferries. 1 kick-ass companion. Not too shabby!
Seeds grow upward, push through dirt, and grow taller than They could ever dream.
The kind of person that I want to be is a topic that frequents my thoughts. What words do I use to describe myself and do my actions reflex those adjectives? Self-improvement is one of my favorite subjects next to human behavior and relationships. Anyone who know me knows that I love to analyze. I am a “Questioner” according to Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies framework. I am my harshest critic. I hold others to a high standard because I hold myself to a higher one. This also makes me more forgiving towards others than I am to myself. And it can produce a lot of shame.
I remember when I graduated college and I no longer intermittently took dance lessons at Bush Mango Drum and Dance in Rochester, NY. I realized at that moment that I could no longer call myself a dancer. Not unless I returned to dance on a regular basis. Yes, I still have the capability, maybe the talent, even. But I am no longer a dancer because my actions no longer reflect that title. I became a hiker, a volunteer, a filmmaker, and a wine and beer enthusiast instead, to name a few.
But is that good enough? Not in general. But for me. I’m not interested in cultural norms. I’m not interested in being better than that guy. I’m interested in being my best self and leading a life that follows my morals and my aspirations. So, essentially, am I living up to my own expectations?
The answer is yes and no. I am living up to my own expectations in that I am doing my best. My best might be quite low comparatively speaking, but each moment of success or failure, each kind or not so kind thought or word or action, is me operating at my best given my current circumstances, current environment, and current emotional vulnerability and resilience. I am not complacent, however. There is only one way to go, and that is up or forward or out– whichever description works best for you. I can only learn to be more patient. I can only learn to be more compassionate. I can only learn to love more freely. Whether I act on what I have learned is a separate issue. But the funny thing about knowledge is that you can’t un-know what you know. I may choose to be snippy instead of patient, but I can’t become less patient on the spectrum. Once I’ve learned how to take a deep breath, to wait, to think before reacting, I can’t ever remove that imprint from my soul. A notch has been made on my character. And with the right effort and motivation, I can tap into that part of me. If I do it enough, I can find that light switch in the deepest and darkest of places, in the far recesses of my mind that are dominated by anger and jealousy and covetousness, and I can turn it on without effort– like a finger finding my nose to relieve an itch. What I’m referencing here is mindfulness.
I admit wholeheartedly that I am sometimes exhausted. Exhausted with myself, with humanity, with negativity, with nothing ever being enough. And then I find myself on a trail in the Chugach Mountains of Alaska surrounded by wildflowers, the anticipation of a bear-sighting tingling through my fingertips as they linger near my bear spray and knife, and I inhale deeply. Who am I if I am not moving? I’ve tried staying put, living in one place, doing one thing. That life is not for me. And is it really for anyone? Who is not actively looking for a spouse or a lover? A friend? A new hobby? Marriage. Children. Grandchildren. Job promotions and new coffee shops. Time does not stand still. The mind doesn’t stop. Consciousness is a stream with no tangible beginning or end.
So my challenge to myself is to determine my engagement with that stream. To wade in waist deep and climb into the kayak of my intentions and traverse the waters of my Being. Animals, rocks, rapids, steep falls, and gentle passes. The water continues forward. I am affected by my environment. Do I drift with the current or do I pick up my paddle, one side and then the other, and push with it? But I’ve never been fond of the false-choice. Why one or the other? Why not both? Depending on the situation. Depending on what’s good for all parties involved. Depending on my capacity at that given moment in which I am doing my best– no matter how ugly or pretty my best looks. And, most importantly, having the wisdom to know which course to take when the time comes. I believe that is the true essence of personal growth.
Adulting is hard and tedious. The healthy choices are often to the detriment of convenience and cost. Patience is the opposite of anger. Kindness without exception is like a knife to the throat of the Ego. Am I the person I want to be remembered as? I can only gauge the answer to that question by taking an honest look at my actions.
Despite so many
important and interesting topics to discuss, I’ve decided that it wouldn’t make
much sense to move forward without addressing the elephant in the room. Just
what do we do in the ED anyways?? I’ve come to realize that there is a lot of
confusion regarding what an emergency department is actually for, the
environment in which it functions best, and why a place that is so chaotic is
the frontline for saving life and limb. The most insightful revelation, though,
is that it is not just people who have no ties to healthcare who are confused.
Other nurses throughout the hospital are often just as fed up with ED nurses as
are patients who have been waiting six hours to be seen. I’m hoping that this
post will help bring at least some clarity to patients as well as to fellow
RNs.
To start: what is an emergency department for? Though this might sound very obvious, it actually isn’t. And I mean no degradation in my response. Said simply, an emergency department is for emergencies. But emergencies come in all shapes, sizes, and severities. One person may consider a set of circumstances to be minor given personality traits and the environment in which he or she was raised. Another person might not tolerate pain as well as his or her neighbor. Some people have severe psychological pain associated with their physical pain. Some incidences and illnesses impact one’s livelihood more intensely than others, prompting a seeming need for emergent care. So, here, simplicity is not so helpful. That said, it isn’t truly realistic for one entity to tackle that large variety of care. We have cardiologists who specialize in the heart. Orthopedics who specialize in bones. Nephrologists who specialize in the kidneys. And so forth. The crucial point, here, is that emergency medicine is also a specialty, and, more specifically, a specialty of acute care. And within this specialty we have further sub-specialties. Besides the basic positions including beside nurses, PCTs, advanced practice providers, and doctors, an emergency department is made up of people who specialize in even more specific areas of emergency care– imagine a type of Henry Ford assembly line– so that one person can concentrate on one aspect of care in a quick and efficient manner and follow it through to the end. Triage, trauma surgeons, stroke teams, MI teams, anesthesia, respiratory therapists, registration, ECG techs, phlebotomists, CT/X-ray/US/MRI, transportation, environmental services. We are each trained in our specific sub-specialty of emergency care. When an alert is called overhead, we arrive to the room, we gather our supplies, and we get to work. Because each sub-specialty has been defined and that definition has been agreed upon nationwide, every person in that trauma room knows exactly what to expect– what my job is, what his job is, why that man or woman at the head of the bed, to whom to ask this question. No two people are running around trying to get the same thing done. No one is unsure who is in charge. Does this get messy at times? Of course– we are all still human and a person is dying before our very eyes. But, in theory and time again proven in practice, the clearer the rules, the less room for error, the faster we can get er’ done. We have been trained to treat acute situations such as strokes, heart attacks, vehicle accidents, and sepsis, to name a few. Our definition of an emergency is, therefore, quite narrow. Our definition of an emergency is more along the lines of “are you dying right now or could you die within the next few hours without immediate intervention.” When reading that back, it feels kind of dramatic, right? But it’s a real thing. There are some conditions that just cannot wait.
So why am I saying
all of this? First, let me speak to my patients. The faster pace makes for what
appears to be chaos. Just like you are having an “emergency,” so is
everyone else who has come here today. No one emergency is more important than another. But some emergencies
are more time-sensitive. The emergency
department looks at time-sensitivity, amount of pain, number of resources
required, and length of wait as main factors in deciding who gets seen next.
You may have been waiting for two hours already, and “that guy” gets
a room first. Unfortunately, that means that “that guy” is in the
midst of a more time-sensitive situation that you are. “That guy”
might be having a heart attack as we speak. Or a stroke. Or his blood pressure
may be so low that he is hardly perfusing his body. That doesn’t mean that ED
providers and nurses don’t believe that you are in pain or also have an
emergency. We don’t like feeling ill or throwing up any more than you do. But
this is where the definition of emergency comes into play. Providing emergency
departments with a narrow definition of specialty only works if the department
is properly resourced in that manner. The rise of urgent cares helps facilitate
this. Have you been feeling weak, fatigued, throwing up, diarrhea, and unable
to tolerate food or drink for the past few days? Are you unsure how good it
would be to wait it out any longer? Are you otherwise healthy without many
significant medical diagnoses? Perhaps an urgent care is the correct place for
you to rehydrate, rest, and ensure your electrolytes are in balance.
That said, sometimes the closest urgent care isn’t open at the time you need help. Maybe you don’t have one near you at all. Maybe you are just unsure and think that the ED would be the safest place for you. The nurse who first greets you in the emergency department is called the triage nurse. His or her job is to determine the severity of each person as they come in and label them a 1-5, if using the fairly recently revised and improved ESI triage scale. Very, very simply put, 1 means you are actively dying– bleeding out from a car accident, pulseless from a heart attack, etc. 5 means you require very few emergency department resources for your care and are not in a situation that would cause you to die anytime in the foreseeable future– this could be a cut requiring stitches, etc. Triage nurses take into account your past medical history, your pain level, and your vital signs when making a decision. All emergency departments hope for more 1-3s and fewer 4s and 5s by having the 4s and 5s seen at urgent cares. This would decrease the number of people waiting for care, would decrease the amount of resources being used overall (including the time and energy of employees), and would decrease the overall stress and chaos felt throughout the department. But a triage nurse would never turn you away. If you feel that you need to be there, they will put you on the list. Not only is it against federal EMTALA law to turn someone away, but it is unethical to do so.
So, to handle this influx of emergencies on a daily basis, we as providers work as quickly and diligently as we can. As a general rule, there is no running in the ED. Running symbolizes panic. Panic hinders critical thinking and attention to detail. We don’t run. But we do haul ass. We work as quickly as we can on as many patients as our hospital determines safe for us to do so at once. We don’t want you waiting in the waiting room any longer than you have to. We don’t like to see you in pain. We don’t like to feel like we are failing you. To do that we rush from room to room performing task after task. We attempt to keep up on labs and imaging as they result. We attempt to make you comfortable while you await your diagnosis. We attempt to get to know you. But just as we have a narrow definition of care, we also have a narrowly defined goal: to put out as many fires as possible while maintaining as much dignity, autonomy, and comfort as possible. Our goal is not to get familiar with your life story. Our goal is not to treat your chronic issues. Our goal is not to stay with you during a lengthy admission. We stabilize and we send out. This concept is pertinent for fellow RNs. ED nurses often know very little about their patients in comparison to the amount of knowledge nurses on in-patient units come to acquire after taking over care. This often surprises in-patient nurses when it is time for us to give report. A skeleton report is the best ED nurses are often able to give. We can change locations within the department as often as every four hours to cater to department needs. Working in the ED requires flexibility and constant re-prioritization depending on which kinds of emergencies walk through our doors or are brought in by ambulance. The downside is that this kind of flexibility does not allow for consistency. I often give report on patients I have been assigned to for two hours and have only seen once. I don’t study the charts. I browse for outliers and interventions only. I don’t remember where the IV is. It doesn’t matter for my goals of care. When I get in the room, I use the one that’s available and I leave. I’m often not sure the urine output or number of bowel movements unless it’s pertinent to that patient’s current acute situation. I often can’t clean up the chart as much as I would like to before the patient goes up to the unit. Ugh. It sounds so bratty when written down. But I just can’t achieve my goals and your goals at the same time. I just can’t. I’m on to the next fire. I plan to do and know as many things as possible– don’t get me wrong! But how does that saying go: “the best laid plans…” Patients keep coming in, keeping getting upset for waiting, keep requiring more orders be filled. And everything keeps getting delayed for those 1s and 2s that suddenly appear.
As we progress as a culture and adapt to leaning on urgent cares more and more, the hope is that emergency departments will “slow down.” Yes, we always need more staff. 6 patients to 1 nurse is not only unsafe, but it’s inefficient. My feet only move one at a time. My brain can only perform one task at a time, even if I am in the middle of several. I can only answer one call light at a time. But we don’t need emergency departments to become more like in-patient units or long-term care facilities or chronic pain clinics. Emergency departments are good at what they do. Someone has to be on the frontlines, putting out the fires, and getting people to the right places for the best outcomes. But please understand that we aren’t that place. We won’t heal you. We won’t fix you. We will stabilize you and help you get to the unit or the out-patient appointment that will. We yearn for a better community understanding of what we do and why so that we can be used properly and therefore function properly.
Though most of my anxiety regarding travel nursing had to do with starting a new job with new people, learning a new electric record, not knowing where items on the unit would be located, etc., I quickly learned during my first assignment that other, separate, situations aren’t as simple as they seem. The hard work isn’t done after the contract is signed. Each element of moving to a new place requires detailed thought into how things will get done, when, and by whom. The hardest lesson: things don’t just fall into place; you have to put them there, or at least put them in motion, and you have to follow it all the way through. The job won’t wait for you and the agency won’t bail you out. So below are a just a few quick tips that I’ve learned so far on my first assignment to help you put one foot in front of the other.
First things first: THE LOCATION.
It doesn’t matter
much that you have a job if you don’t have a place to live, a way to get to
work, and don’t know your surroundings. So you’ve booked a flight or packed
your car. You’ve traveled hundreds of miles from home (or at least 50 for it to
count as travel nursing!). You’ve landed in the location you’ve picked to be
your home, whether apartment complex or AirBnB or other. Now what? Do you know
the protocol for physically getting in? Do you know where the keys are or what
the home code is? Are the people who can help you available at the time of your
arrival or is it “after-hours”?
If moving into a
short lease apartment complex, you might need keys to outer and inner doors, a
key to the mailbox, a laundry card, or a parking pass. Is the home furnished? I
recommend settling in as quickly as possible and then finding yourself at the nearest
superstore and/or grocery store– perhaps Target, Walmart, or Fred Meyers. Give
yourself plenty of time to find the items that will make your stay comfortable
and homey while remaining practical. Most people can endure without a dresser
for their clothes for 3 months but reluctantly staying in your bedroom to avoid
the drafty living room can get lonesome after a while– maybe splurge on a nice
throw blanket instead and just hang all of your clothes from hangers which are
cheap and easy to discard or donate when no longer needed.
Most importantly,
don’t over do it. As much as I like a well-stocked kitchen, I am unlikely to
prioritize any of those spices or that olive oil into my suitcase when it’s
time to leave. If you don’t think you’ll use all, or at least most, of
something, see if you can go without or buy the smaller size even if it’s not
as cost effective. It could also be a nice idea to start the new job from the
very beginning thinking, which of my new co- workers could use said item I
won’t be taking with me? Or, is it something I could give or sell to a fellow
travel nurse?
The next topic of
importance: TRANSPORTATION.
If you drove to your
new location, this one might be straight forward. But what if you flew? How
close is your new home to the hospital? Do you need to rent a car or a bike or
can you walk or take the bus? How much is a bus pass and how do you get one– from
the main terminal downtown or do they have an app for that? If renting a car,
consider if it is high season. Can you find a cheaper option on Facebook or
Craigslist? If planning to bike, walk, or bus, is your new neighborhood safe to
do so? If possible, do a trial run before the first day of orientation. And,
even more crucial, do a trial run at the beginning and end of what will soon be
your typical shift to see if it is safe and practical to choose biking,
walking, or bussing at those times– it might be safe to walk during the day
but not at night; the buses might have stopped running long before your shift
ends; etc. Try to find out from experienced friends or bloggers online which
neighborhoods to avoid and the areas with the highest crime. Ask the question
in a Facebook group. I’ve found that fellow travelers are always eager to help
and spread their knowledge.
Another aspect of
transportation that often falls through the cracks is parking at work. Do a
trial run to where you will be meeting day 1 of orientation to ease any anxiety
about getting lost or fumbling around. Furthermore, if possible, speak with
your recruiter prior to signing the contract to determine whether parking at
the facility is free for the duration of the assignment or if the agency or
hospital will be paying for it. This should be listed clearly in the contract.
And speaking of… CONTRACTS.
Of course, all
matters of finance must be listed clearly in the contract. Be that parking
payment, scrubs or license reimbursement, or travel reimbursement. On-boarding
pertains to the amount of time it took to go through pre-arrival courses and
PowerPoints that detail the hospital’s policies and practices. Shift rates,
overtime rates, on-call rates, and call-back rates (the rate one is paid if
“called back” to work) should be detailed as well. Some hospitals
will use call-back rates instead of OT rates during times of high census
because that call-back rate is typically higher and the hospital needs
travelers to pick up extra instead of gallivant around their new city– be sure
this is discussed beforehand between you and your recruiter.
The most important
thing to remember is that everything must be discussed explicitly with your
recruiter and find its way into your contract. If it doesn’t, all isn’t lost.
You hopefully have an amazing recruiter who will fight for you and work their
magic. But if it isn’t in the contract, no one is obligated to do it– be it
the contract between you and the hospital or the agreement between you and your
agency. Knowing beforehand prevents
surprises in the future and feelings of being taken advantage of.
Tied very closely to
contracts is SCHEDULING.
A difficult aspect of travel nursing is scheduling. As a traveler, the idea is that we are filling a specific department need. For that reason, some hospitals don’t allow travelers to self-schedule. As mentioned above, this should be discussed beforehand with your recruiter. Any planned vacations need to be confirmed with the hospital prior to signing on and should find their way into the contract, this way they are obligated to not schedule you during that time. Another aspect of scheduling that must be included in the contract is guaranteed hours. This means that the hospital is hiring you as the travel nurse for 36hr weeks. With guaranteed hours, they cannot decide on any given day that the department is slow so they will send you home and leave you short on your hours for that week. That said, though, don’t expect to ever be floated home. If they have to pay you, you can be sure that they will find something for you to do or choose to send a staff nurse home instead.
“More and more advice will be revealed to me as the days go by and the journey continues. Like a sponge, I will soak it all up. “
The hardest part about adventuring alone is enjoying the adventure alone. Not the navigating or the planning or the expenses. But more specifically, everywhere I go alone, I wish I was with my boyfriend. I’m not afraid to be alone and actually quite value my solitude where I can be myself and recharge. But every time I experience something new, I just wish I was experiencing it with him. I imagine every possible look that might come across his face, that tinkle that would catch in his eye, what he might say, his opinion on the matter. Whether I feel awe-struck or inspired or whimsical, I want him to feel it with me. When I sit down to enjoy a meal at a new restaurant I think, “Boy, he would love this dish!” Or “I bet if he were here he would have ordered this.” When I catch a sunset in the rearview mirror, I wonder when the sun set for him and if he saw it. A glance at my watch sparks inquiry into what time the clock reads where he is and if he’s thought of me today. My mind can’t help but wander to the what-ifs. My heart can’t help but wallow in what is not.
Sometimes adventures are short– a work trip here, an extended weekend there. But sometimes they are long. My newfound adventure in particular. For the foreseeable future my boyfriend and I will be in a long-distance relationship and I have to accept that the twinkle that comes across my eye, the knowledge that I am experiencing something new and expanding my horizons, my own present-ness, must be enough. I have to get up and get out, even if that means going it alone. Because if I wait for that magical moment, that perfect time when we are both together because our schedules finally match, before I know it, my life will be gone, spent waiting instead of enjoying.
Lone hikers on Bird Ridge Trail (Chugach State Park, Alaska)
I left my hometown of Rochester, NY on May 4th to pursue a career in travel nursing. Formally a staff nurse in the local emergency department, I’ve decided that there is too much in the world still yet to see and experience. From landscapes to cultures to illness, I want to absorb it all and base my world view on a broader spectrum and describe it with a more fruitful vocabulary. So, where to first? Alaska. I KNOW! I can picture no better way to spend my summer than with 22hrs of sunshine daily and a glacier in my backyard. High temperatures in the 60s is… alright, but I’ll take what I can get because Rochester has been nothing but clouds, rain, and early May snow-showers. So my first ever blog is a detailed account of my adventure before the adventure, purposefully naming favorite places and specific experiences. This one is mainly for me. Goodbye Rochester. Goodbye family and friends. Hello Alaskan strangers!
First Goodbye: Rochester
The first, and hardest, goodbye was to my family and friends in Rochester. Involving several small get-togethers at my apartment as well as several more one-on-one’s at bars and restaurants , I was overcome with gratitude at the people I had gathered in my life. Even my cousin from hours away came through to wish me good luck. Saying goodbye to my hometown AGAIN has been one of the most important parts of this journey for me. The first time I was in a hurry to grow up and become someone. This time, I was in no rush. I am a fully formed human with many aspirations but I have a brighter head on my shoulders and stronger roots in the ground. I’ve never been one to feel strongly about a place. I’ve never needed to be physically near my family. The itch in me to run off somewhere new, fueled by fear and positive intentions, has always been too powerful to ignore. So I often set off at record speed, hardly looking behind me to see how it affected my family and those I left behind. But this time was different. This time I made sure to see as many family members as I could, as many friends as I could, as many times as I could, by whatever means possible. The morning of my departure, I walked onto my front porch, the metal knob cold in my hand as I closed the door behind me. I had checked and rechecked the house several times. My father waited patiently in the car. I paced up and down the porch steps, running through everything in my mind, checking off boxes that had already been checked. I was reluctant to leave, though. The clock read 6am. The longer we waited the more we were pushing it for a 7:40am departure and the later it would make my dad who had work at 7am. We both knew this. But what we were waiting for was too important. It was my last Rochester goodbye. After a week or more of missing each other, my brother and I had still not met up to say goodbye. It was a long shot, but I remembered that he usually gets out of work around when I would be leaving for the airport. He said he’d try to get out on time. The sound of his tires pulling into my driveway nearly brought tears to my eyes. If it hadn’t worked out, I guess it wouldn’t have been a big deal. Our lives would have kept going. The world would have kept spinning. But there’s something unique about a sibling relationship. A total stranger in many rights but the one who understands why you are the way you are in a way that no one else can. I guess I could say that hugging my brother goodbye in the nick of time, wishing him well, and asking that he stay in touch was no big deal. Except that it was the biggest deal of all.
Second Goodbye: NYC
The city that never
sleeps. Where I met some of my very best friends. The place that introduced to
me both Buddhism and molly. Only a one-day stop, but always worth it. My
favorite place to eat: Peacefood Cafe.
I leave with a grasshopper cookie in hand and a smile on my face every time.
Though a slightly disappointing mani-pedi from Haven ensued, the trip was necessary. There
is a certain energy about New York. A certain unspoken understanding among
pedestrians that we are all unique, all artists, all on this Earth for a
purpose. As cheesy as it sounds, there’s a vibration in the air that is
contagious. I hold my head higher. I walk taller. My back straighter. I feel
the value of hard work and creativity.
A quick visit with a
friend currently studying for law school exams beautifully captured the essence
of true friendship. I feel emotional when she thanks me for making time to see
her during my busy schedule. MY busy
schedule! Such a sweetheart.
After an
enlightening discussion with my Dharma
teacher about habits and human nature and an elegant Epsom salt bath, I was
more than ready for bed. The problem: I was too wired to sleep! #theworst. I
tossed and turned for at least five hours and before I knew it, my alarm rang
2:30am and I was dreading life. Luckily for me, my host and dear friend sensed
my rising, brewed a pot of coffee despite my protestation, and saw me off. I
left New York feeling truly loved. My former home. My former love. No pictures
or shenanigans. A quiet hello and a somber goodbye as I officially leave the
East coast for the foreseeable future.
Shortly after a
swift and expensive Lyft, I found myself at my gate with leftover tofu scramble
and a coffee in hand. A grin across my lips, silently bragging, I enjoyed my
time being EARLY to the airport. No scrambling for this girl! AND my vegan food
made it through security. Because I would have held up the TSA line to eat that
tofu. No chance I was throwing that out… lol.
Third Goodbye: Las Vegas
But first, get the
rental car. Now, when I tell you that it was a process, I mean it was a
PROCESS! Three shuttles later we arrive at Fox Enterprise. And that’s three
shuttles where I had to lug around two suitcases and a bag wearing 4 layers of
clothing which I had to wear in order to keep my checked bag under 50lbs.
Which, if we can go back for a moment– how dare they start charging for both
carry-on space and checked luggage! They cram us in like sardines and then have
the audacity to charge us for space that just last year was free. I hate being
taken advantage of. Who travels without a carry on?? But I guess that’s the
point… I digress.
And so, with sweat dripping from my brow and my shirt(s) sticking to my clammy back, my Las Vegas travel companion and I were finally sitting in the rental and ready to leave the lot. The agenda for day 1 comprised of day-drinking and hotel lobby spotting. We ate brunch at Vegenation, one of my favorite Las Vegas spots, and it did not disappoint. It is a self-proclaimed mission for me to try each vegan restaurant’s version of buffalo wings and to rate them. My travel companion eagerly agreed to join the cause. :p. Per our expert opinion, Vegenation gets high marks for both taste and texture. After landing at Luxor and struggling to figure out how to self-park, we took in the impressive display of Egyptian art and got dressed for our first day on the Strip. Since everyone says that day clubs are “uniquely Vegas” and “the place to be,” we made that our first stop. We felt awkward and too old to be at Marquee Day Club, though. Kids in their early 20s were hitting on us and there was no where available to sit down or even place our belongings while we danced. We paid $16 a piece for gin and sodas and there was a clump of hair in the pool. Suffice it to say, we will be trying out a different spot next time. Next came dinner at A Slice of Vegas where we shared a most delicious pie of vegan BBQ pizza and rated their cauliflower wings as “good” but not surpassing those from Vegenation. Their distinctly cauliflower taste was refreshing though, we agreed. Visiting the hotel lobbies at night was a highlight and always proves worthy of one’s time. Having been to Las Vegas before, I was familiar with Caesars Palace and Bellagio and I did not regret seeing them again. Magnificent works of art detailed the main entrances, the casinos, and the shops playing with negative space and various themes. My newfound favorite: The Venetian. I love museums, especially art museums with paintings, so I found this to be a wonderful adaptation.
Seven Magic Mountains (Left); Red Rock Canyon (Right)
Day 3 was sketchy but ultimately very successful. It was soon discovered that my friend and I are not great planners or communicators. We had narrowed down our goals to Grand Canyon in the morning/afternoon and Hoover Dam in the evening. Typical us, we didn’t check closing times or leave early enough. It all started when I woke up 30 minutes late on only 6 hours of sleep. I shortened my workout to a 20 minute run and was out the door as fast as I could be. With a Starbucks oatmeal (made with soy milk, I added almond slices and a banana) and a soy latte in hand, we set out. Only problem was that it was already 9:30am and we had planned to hit the road closer to 8am after factoring in gym, breakfast, and traffic. So we trudged along through the desert, driving past more desert and then past more desert passing cows and small communities here and there. The view was obviously breathtaking but so different from New York. No pine trees line the roads and obstruct the view. Just an endless distance. And speaking of distance: The Grand Canyon. After 4.5 hours of driving, we finally made it. Dark clouds rolled closer and closer to the rim, so I scrambled as quickly, AND SAFELY, as possible to nearest edge, took a few photos, and we ran back to the car with rain dripping down our necks. Having spent only an hour, I know that this national park warrants much more and I vow to myself that I will return with my boyfriend for the scenic drive around the rim and an overnight hike. After this short but inspirational visit, we reluctantly headed home because we found out too late that the Hoover Dam closes at 5pm and the hike to the nearby hot spring is 3 hours roundtrip…
Grand Canyon
Grand Canyon
Day 4 was only a half-day in town. We treated ourselves to a $50 buffet at Caesars which, unfortunately, I enjoyed but don’t find worth the money. We squeezed as much as we could out of the last few hours in Vegas by partaking in some much needed tanning and relaxation at the pool of The Mirage and mentally prepared for another 4 hour drive. This time to Los Angeles.
This experience was in stark contrast to the one I had at Santa Monica Pier. Though the weather was more or less the same the following day, this visit to the beach was met with many more people enjoying the ferris wheel, playing arcade games, and sitting in the sand. People were dancing for tips and selling hand-made art. And I has happy to find the same energy a few blocks away at the pedestrian-only shopping area. Greeted by a statue of a rhino spewing out water into a pond, I fed off of the atmosphere around me until it was time to finally say goodbye to my Las Vegas companion and head back to Venice.
Santa Monica Beach
Downtown Santa Monica
A final goodbye
proved pivotal when it revealed itself as actually several hellos. The former
NYC friend who is now my LA friend invited me to her early birthday party:
bowling. I don’t really enjoy bowling (though I do have to admit that I’m not
half bad when I get into the swing of it), but I wouldn’t miss it for the
world. Initially overwhelming, I quickly warmed up to several of my friend’s
friends and co-workers and it soon dawned on my why it was so important that
this spontaneous event had transpired. I had seen my LA friend several times
since my arrival, so it wasn’t necessarily so important that I could partake in
this particular activity with her. Instead, my friend’s gift to me was the gift
of meeting strangers. Going to her party and meeting new people helped me
recognize in real time how the world will keep going despite me moving to
Alaska. How there will always be opportunities to meet old friends and make new
ones, If only I am willing to take them. How the time to make new friends is
always now, and not just when I arrive at a new destination.
My goodbyes have
been so meaningful, so fruitful. I am so humbled. I am so grateful. I am so
scared. As my Uber inches toward LAX, the L.A. lights blinding me and the L.A.
traffic smothering me, I have to accept that, from here on out, it will be
mostly HELLOs.
